sometimes life doesn't take things as the way it is. its hard when everytime you do something good for that particular people that meant alot to you will just blame everything on you when something goes wrong. that's has been happening to me ever since i out from the house. yes, the freedom i wanted and also, the life that i once been restricted to do, im able to do so. however, this people just wont stop unless im do things as they instruct. i never want to be disloyal / derhaka to my parents. but they never give me the chance to be who i want to be. they control my life as and when they want to. my privacy have been intruded even if im at home. my freedom have been restricted. anything that i want to do will need their approvals even the smallest things. i dont want to be treated that way. that is why i decided to live independently. even though people said that i am stupid to move out but for me, i make my right decision. all this while, when i want to be out with the friends or whoever, my parents restrict me and force me to work with them till late nights. love is being the best boyfriend i ever had. he make sure that im never ever gonna be left out in anything, helped me find an apartment to live and be there for me physically & mentally. yes, we do bickered about the little things and also, my negative thoughts about the whole thing. but we do make up and be merry together. so when my parents blamed my friends for what had happened, i cant accept that. they are the ones who bring me happiness and be there for me. at good times and bad times. that's why i cherished them more. they meant alot to me. even if my family hate me for this, i dont mind. cause i meant nothing to them anyways. so whatever people have to said about it, they have their says but somehow, my say is FINAL.

things have changed now. im out from the house. im living on my own. no more restrictions and doing this against my wills. im finding an apartment along with love's help. i think im getting more used to it now. i'll update soon.




love,
farah

its been long since i've update. too mny things have happened. most importantly, the love is back and spending my time every day with him means alot to me, me being a fresh diploma graduate and having the best friends that everyone wish to have.

how i lied my way around with the king & queen to just fetch the love from the airport. eventhough the excitement of meeting him on that day was tremendously overwhelming, things just so happened to give me a rough time. his flight delayed, my pig sister decided to live on her own. but overall, things are better now.

being around with the love, it does change some that's been putting me with stress, pressure. he does really helped me. physically & mentally, i know that i can rely on him. its was nice of him to come for my graduation ceremony. thing is, no one believe that i can make this far. not my parents. they believed that i just know how to waste their money which at the first place, they are the one who insist me on continuing my studies. yes, i feel the pain. pain of being treated as if i've done a series of mistakes. somehow, i just want to make them proud but they just make me hate them more. how they told me that i would never pass my exams or even graduate. how i cried when everything went wrong. i really want to show everyone who look down on me that i make it this far and i wont stop here. i will continue my studies whenever i can. i know my love does. its really hard when your own parents are against everything you're doing. right, people will said to me that its for my own best. but put yourself in my position and see how i live my life everyday, you wont even able to hang on any longer. thank god, i still do.

so right now, im finding myself a new job and also, finding an apartment. i just really want to get out of the restricted life im in, being independent. its really pressurising knowing that when you returned home, its the constant naggings that greets you at the front door, the thoughts that you need money to survive in this house. its tiring. no one will understand. working almost everyday till late nights but no appreciations or any rise in salary.

graduation ceremony was great eventhough the school im in is bloody sengkek but overall, it was fun considering the fact that aidil was there and my best friends were there to make it more merrier. gonna miss the time i spent in school with them. all the quarrels and laughters. the pictures are all in fb. lazy to update in here.

this coming weekend. its gonna be a blast. booze and the starry nights. gonna spend some time with love and maybe get lil drunk perhaps. (:

** Just wanna congratulate my friend's mom whose getting marry on 29 Nov 09 which also falls on my anniversary with chek aidil. Hope you gonna have a good one and may you have a blissful marriage!**

To mohd aidil, the lover,

                                           Happy 10th monthsary to us. Thank you for being the most charming and romantic boyfriend ever. Thanks for making everything come true. I'll see you in a week time. Can wait to see you. I miss you like crazy. Love you very much. We'll celebrate when you home. back in singapore.

Love,
farah. 


P.S. : Too much things need to tell you. love you. <3   

i miss mohamed aidil bin mohamed ali.

please come back soon.

17 days more to go. im counting it down.



too much problems. im barely hanging & surviving. physically & mentally.



i miss dreameria alot.

yesterday. our 9th months together. It was just a simple occasion with pretty much of hugs and kisses. Being with him is considered the most greatest period of time and knowing the fact that i dont have the friends like i do last time, he's still there. feeling protective enough to be with him. insya'allah, things will get better for him and me. Thanks aidil, for being the perfect boyfriend and never stop believing in me eventhough i dont believe in myself. i love you very much.

So i havent been really updating this space at regular basis cause basically, life hasnt been really a good one for me. no one is giving me any mercy at everything.

**i give up on everything that i've done. i try to mend my way and be a better person. learn to be a responsible person and nevertheless, not to depend on others. somehow, i wasnt given the chance to do so. the boy said that i shouldn't get hurt or dampen by whatever that's happening. however, it just get the best of me. god knows how much all of them meant to me. i know, its my fault that things ain't the same like the past. everything and everyone change. i didnt make the initiative of meeting them. no one knows the situation i am in except the boy. the situation,at that point of time, everyone seems to be moving far away from me. hauling me away from far when i haven't got the chance to asked for help.  on that very date, when i got the opportunity to show them all how i manage to pull through, i was once again, shove away for bringing the wrong atmosphere to the cliques. i back off once again. and im not turning back anymore. i've done my part. i give my all. im giving up hope that things gonna be okay. sadly, no one came to the point where they are the ones i need the most not anyone else. no one came.

no, im not upto anything nor am i stirring any problems. i just want them to know how deeply they meant to me eventhough i havent meet them for ages. i dont blame anyone for this to happen.  i stop. i give up. dont worry, i'll not gonna disturb anyone of you anymore. but just want you to know how much i love you darlings. the boy told me something that just make sense. 'whether you done wrong to them in the past, they may or may not forgive you, but make sure you forgive them cause hating them is not a good thing. don't worry, i'm here. i wont go away from you'.  that night, i remember crying till no more tears to flow.

till this date, the pain is there. i wont lie. **

im glad that i have a very supporting boyfriend who keep me going for every reasons. my friends at my workplace that drive me nuts every single day. things are going well for me each day. praying hard it wont make me the way i am back then. trying to change. for the better.


maybe, i'll update my raya outings on the next entry.hopefully pictures have been already uploaded.

thanks for yesterday night. i enjoyed myself alot with you around.
and yes, im imagining the place that we saw as our big day together.

i cant wait for you to come down and fetch me from work.

i miss you even when you're infront of me.


love...


ps. raya is less than 5 days. aint feeling the vibe.

im down with sore throat & fever. i miss him already.  :(